Afraid to Ask?

Shari ElleDid you ever ask for something using your ‘best NVC’, only to hear your voice quiver and your request sound whiny and way less than appealing? I have – and it was repeatedly painful.

For about the first 4 years of learning NVC I struggled to make attractive requests – especially when it was for something I really cared about.  My requests sometimes had an air of desperation to them and I didn’t understand why (more to that later).

After I attended my first NVC training, so much of my learning of NVC was through trial and error – and sadly that took me a long time.  It didn’t have to take anywhere near as long as it did.  If only I had the support of a community to learn and practice these skills with, and give me feedback, and teachers to share with me the important NVC nuances that can make such a difference. 

That is one of the reasons why Linda, Dorset and I have developed the Embodying NVC Consciousness Training.  We designed exactly the program we would have wanted if we were starting out in NVC now.

This Embodying NVC Training:

  • Continues over 8 months to allow us to focus on and integrate this important skill over a sustained period.
  • Has 3 five day residential retreats which each build on each other. (in a beautiful location of Byron Bay)
  • Provides you with 18 fortnightly 45 minute one on one coaching sessions to support you to integrate NVC skills and to achieve whatever goals are important in your life
  • Has a buddy to regularly practice with, receive empathy from, and to support you in your NVC skills.
  • Provides 3 interactive webinars per year with trainers from around the world who are cutting edge in their respective fields.
  • Develops close friendships and a community of NVC support.
  • Is priced as affordably as possible for the intensive support you receive and the difference it will make in your life.

So we hope you will join us for the next 5 day retreat in February on Growing Intimacy and Connection.  You can come to a single retreat and decide later if you want to extend to the whole program, or join the complete program now.

Now back to Making Attractive Requests:

One of the many areas we cover in our Embodying NVC Consciousness Training is ‘Making Attractive Requests’.  This skill alone makes an incredible difference in inviting others to say yes and to supporting connection.

Here is a snippet of what we share in this topic….  (warning: the following is a tad tongue in cheek).

When we make an NVC request we can either do it from a place of ‘whiny and needy or a place of ‘a yummy invitation to enrich life’.  So here are 2 parts of what we share.

Know how I am feeling inside.  If I am annoyed or irritated or stressed then ideally you will start with self empathy (or ask someone else for empathy).  Keep going until I am clear on my need and experience the beauty of this need in my body, in my heart, rather than in my head.

Paint the Beauty of my Dream, –  what I am hoping for?
Example of an Attractive Request:
“When you come home from work it would mean so much to me if we met each other eye to eye, and kiss.   That would SO really bring a closeness and a lovely start to the evening.   Is that something you would like too?”.
Example of a Not so Attractive Request:
“When I see you come in the door and go to your room without making eye contact, I feel sad and despondent and would like connection and acknowledgment.  Would you be willing to come over and give me a kiss as soon as you walk in before going to your room?”

Just these 2 pointers can bring way more joy in life for you, and way more chance of ‘yes’s’ to your requests!

I’d love to know if you have enjoyed this posting and to read your comments and questions below.

And you can check out our Embodying NVC Consciousness Training here.

Shari (on behalf of Shari Elle, Linda Rysenbry, and Dorset Campbell Ross).

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