Contributing in the World: My relationship to Life

Dorset Campbell-RossHello,

It’s Dorset here. I’m one of the three ENCT trainers, and I’m writing from Gili Air, a little island close to Bali, where I’m having a break.

Are you considering joining us for the October ENCT Retreat at Songline, my home near Byron Bay? This one is about your Relationship to the World.

Imagine every day contributing not only to yourself but others too, in a way that fully aligns with all your values? How would that feel?

“This retreat opens us up to the interconnectedness of all Life, in all its forms – not just humans, and not just those humans like ourselves.” Imagine if this awareness was universal. What would our world look like then? What needs would this meet for you?

I remember writing the August ENCT newsletter a year ago when I was in Kenya, being a trainer at the first ever African 9 day CNVC International Intensive Training.

I wrote about how I was so delighted seeing the engagement and enthusiasm of our African brothers and sisters for learning and applying NVC. In that newsletter I was also sharing my love of contributing and making a difference. I wanted to demonstrate what making a living in a way that’s aligned with my values looks and feels like.

Teaching NVC is where I ended up after considering what was really important to me. It is the strategy that met the most needs for me.

A year later, I realise I’m still doing the same thing. I’m here in Indonesia for some healthy eating, massages, yoga, rest and recreation, and I’m also here to give a couple of workshops. One is for the staff of a school, where I have taught before, and one is for the public in a beautiful villa in Ubud.

Once again I feel the excitement that rises when I realise I’m living my dream: Living in a paradise, and teaching folks who love to learn, and are grateful for everything that they receive. However – I have discovered I have a tendency overbalance on the contribution side! I learned that I must carefully balance my need to do, with my need to simply be . For me, that’s so cool, because I love creating a way of living that fits with ALL my values – not only appreciation, engagement and connection, but health, rest and fun as well.

Applying NVC to this way of living and working gives me that in spades.

If you would like to discover and honour your values in the way you live life in the world, pop over to register for the October ENCT at:http://embodyingnvc.com/courses/2ndretreat/

Linda, Shari and I look forward to seeing you in October.


Next ENCT Retreat

21 to 26 October 2014
Contributing to the World:
My Relationship to Life

Connecting with Myself – Building self worth, self care and self love

Dorset Campbell-RossToday I asked two participants who attended the ENCT retreat, Connecting With Myself – Building self worth, self care, and self love, last June, how their lives had changed as a result of attending the retreat. This is what they said:

“The course gave me invaluable practical experience in the moment-to-moment process of connecting deeply with myself. This allows me to approach everyone with greater compassion and empathy. When I lose connection with myself in the busy-ness of life, I have very effective tools to quickly get myself back on track.”
Anne O’Casey, ENCT participant, June 2013

“I started on this journey because I wanted to connect more with those closest to me, and I realised that I can only start when I connect with myself first. I realised I wanted an outcome that was not achievable until I connected with myself first. Since doing the ENCT retreat last June I definitely have more consciousness about my responses. I am prepared to go more sloooowly, and that was a big one for me, because I was always interrupting, talking loud, and forcing my point of view. So going slow, taking time, connecting with myself and expressing that what I truly want is connection, is what has changed my life. When I get that about myself, then I can connect with the other.”
Alan Kras, ENCT participant, June 2013

Why is connecting with myself the starting point for connecting with others? Continue reading

NVC – You and Self-Connection

Linda Rysenbry

To be really tuned in to oneself, one’s worth and to take care of and nurture oneself – can seem herculean some days!

On other days it’s a breeze, isn’t it?

Do you ever wonder – what gives here? How can this be when I am the same person – yet up and down it goes . . And that’s it – up and down go our emotions and on and off go our thoughts.  Moving all around are also our deeper needs.

I find a huge amount of peace and calmness is accessible – thanks to the framework of NVC – it gives a means of organising all of this and accessing my wisdom that lives within or underneath this inner experience.

NVC literally helps all of us to do this – to make sense of oneself at a deeper level than the shenanigans of the mind and emotions. :+)

Rather than do this on a random crises driven basis . . . I want to remind you that what makes a lasting difference is where your focus goes each day.

So today I am here encouraging you to pause each day to connect with yourself.

The basic Self Empathy process learned at an NVC Foundation training is a wonderful support.  So definitely turn to that. For more depth and practice in how you befriend and relate to yourself in a variety of settings there is the next retreat My Relationship with Myself : Building Self, Worth, Love and Care.  At this retreat we approach 3 new levels:

  • Deeper practices of self-connection
  • Bringing compassion to parts of myself that just don’t believe in my worth and lovability
  • Resting in self connection even when it’s challenging

Of course you already are valuable, lovable and peaceful – that is how we see you.  There is no adding to or improving who you are at our retreats,  just practising finding our way back to our natural compassionate nature.   We look forward to hearing any questions or reading your comments about how you connect with yourself regularly.

Love and gratitude
Linda (and Shari and Dorset)

Interdependence the new Frontier

Shari ElleWe have just finished another enriching 5 day NVC retreat, Returning to Love: Growing Intimacy and Connection.

During this retreat one of the revealing themes (there were many!) was the exploration of how to relate from our most whole and loving self through recognising when we are operating from the different approaches of dependence, independence or interdependence.  And essentially recognising that we are  profoundly and deeply interdependent.

Since the retreat this recognition is making a HUGE difference in how people we’ve been coaching have been relating with  their loved ones and experiencing connection. How choosing to respond from interdependence has been deeply enriching their relationships.  By sharing some of these we hope to contribute to your depth of connection with those you care about.

Some examples they have found are: Continue reading

Reconnecting . . . Sooner

Dorset Campbell-RossI have lost count of how many times I have been asked if I still have arguments in my own intimate relationships. And the answer is “yes”. Sadly, I still react unconsciously sometimes. So what is the difference between how I was behaving in my relationships in my youth – which never lasted more than 3 years – and now, in my present relationship – which is more than 12 years old?

The difference is that I am now able to reconnect sooner. In the old days it took weeks, months, sometimes years – and sometimes never – so we split up. Now it’s never more than a day. I have the tools . . . and the willingness to use them. Making amends by apologising in giraffe – connecting with my self, listening to my partner (with empathy), and expressing myself honestly without attack – are what restores harmony after I have blown up our bridge of connection. Continue reading

Living from your Sweet Spot

Shari ElleWalking down the road, one thousand cicadas singing, blue sky overhead and the ocean tumbling on my right … I’m grateful. Grateful for every person I know (and those I don’t) who reach for the sweet spot of life.

As you are engaged here with this email list – I’m guessing that includes you!

Here is what I call sweet spots:

  • In oneself: moments of deep peacefulness and openness.
  • With another: moments when there is the still point of honesty and compassion.
  • As a group: moments of flowing collaboration, efficacy, creativity and celebration.

In February’s 5 day retreat Returning to Love: Growing Intimacy and Connection, we focus on how to be our centred ‘sweet spot’ self, in intimate relationships – i.e. with a partner, our children and other immediate family members.

Continue reading

Afraid to Ask?

Shari ElleDid you ever ask for something using your ‘best NVC’, only to hear your voice quiver and your request sound whiny and way less than appealing? I have – and it was repeatedly painful.

For about the first 4 years of learning NVC I struggled to make attractive requests – especially when it was for something I really cared about.  My requests sometimes had an air of desperation to them and I didn’t understand why (more to that later).

After I attended my first NVC training, so much of my learning of NVC was through trial and error – and sadly that took me a long time.  It didn’t have to take anywhere near as long as it did.  If only I had the support of a community to learn and practice these skills with, and give me feedback, and teachers to share with me the important NVC nuances that can make such a difference.  Continue reading

NVC Can Change Your World

Greetings from Dorset
— in Tanzania, Africa !

Hi, For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dorset,Dorset IIT Africa Francis Police Superintendant one of the three trainers who present the Embodying NVC Consciousness Training. Our next Retreat is about relating with the world and I have been doing that big time over here in Africa for the past 3 months!

I am still basking in the after-glow of the first African CNVC International Intensive Training(IIT), where I was delighted to be one of 4 trainers — from Canada, Holland, Germany and Australia — who contributed their time for free.

What a feat! Almost none of the 47 participants were able to pay for their room and board, let alone the training, so this was largely funded by generous donations from NVC supporters worldwide. If you were one of those, Thank You, Thank You !

It was so touching to see Christians and Muslims, policemen and teachers, farmers, tattoo artists and social workers from all over Africa, connecting on very deep levels and sharing their hearts . . . all whilst learning and practicing the simple yet powerful tools of Nonviolent Communication. Continue reading

Meet Obstacles with Compassion and Life with Passion!

“I want to really live my life,
not grapple with it all the time.”
Linda RysenbryI totally agree! How about you?

In all that we do at the ENCT, our focus is on living a wonderful life! Sure, we process pockets of pain, especially when on Retreat. But that’s not our main focus. Why?

Because whilst it’s important to tend to those things that drag you away from what you truly value and enjoy, scouring your inner world on a search and destroy mission for each and every jackal, can surely rob you of the very energy you need — to LIVE. Continue reading

Connection – it’s an inside job!

“I notice a major shift in me after this last retreat.  I am more self-responsible than I have ever been in my life, so I am far more peaceful within myself – instead of focusing outward on other people and stressing about them not doing what I want them to do!”
~ Participant in My Relationship with Myself, June 2013

Linda RysenbryTwo weeks ago we were deep in retreat with a group of people thirsty to have lighter, more joyful relationships with themselves and those around them!

Virtually everyone had major shifts like the person above.
We call it ‘popping’ when we notice these shifts happening amongst people on the retreat. These are energetic shifts – not just intellectual insights – so they really are lasting changes for folks.

There was a lot of ‘people popping’ going on! Continue reading